I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
