3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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