Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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