so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize