is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
