Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
