I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
