so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh god it's open bar.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize