I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
