Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
