i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize