I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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