thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
