You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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