going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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