Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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