3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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