I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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