Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
