I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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