shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
