I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
