I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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