Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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