Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
