dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
