Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
