I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
