My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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