I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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