Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
