Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
