i jhust puked up my retainher.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
