I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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