Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
