He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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