the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
