Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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