do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
