My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
