On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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