So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
