I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My balls are so social today.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize