Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
