I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
