All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
