She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
