I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
