jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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