I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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