the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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