You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
