Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
