apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
