and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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