I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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