i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
