YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
