chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
