Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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