just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
