i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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