yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i barfeds in our rink
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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