PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize