How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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